I Cannot Come Back to "the Faith."
Every once in awhile, a well-intending person tells me they think I will come full circle on my belief system. I guess they think I will come back to what I once believed, maybe just tweaked to be more accurate? But no, I won't. I can't. And honestly, I like where I'm at, and I don't want to come back full circle. This isn't saying my beliefs will never shift again, because I allow them to shift daily. But I can never again see the Bible as more than just a historical document or sacred text in the same way I see other religious sacred texts. They're all helpful for life - depending on which parts you read and apply.
I know I blog a lot about how difficult it's been - but that doesn't mean I want to change it. Even though I have dealt with loss of community and some relationships, life as I knew it, and my entire identity, that doesn't mean I wish I could go back to where I was. I LOVE where I'm at now. I LOVE how I view life and the world. AND I LOVE THE ME I AM CREATING.
I blog about how difficult it's been, and sometimes still is, because I want my vulnerability to reach hurting people who are also having a faith/identity crisis, maybe even a few steps behind me, so they can know they're not alone. It's a lonely path, especially when one is still hiding, wondering, "What the hell is happening to my faith and who I am!?"
What helped me most when I was in the beginning and middle of my deconstruction was hearing from people that had gone before me. There's nothing more encouraging than hearing that you're gonna be okay from somebody who's been in your shoes and survived.
People need realness. People need to know they're not alone in their doubt and questioning and confusion.
There does not have to be shame in facing such a loss and having to reinvent yourself. In the middle of the chaos, we can learn to embrace who are are becoming. The real/true self can have freedom to grow into whatever we decide we want to be and do.
It's not always easy. But life never was. It's not always easy for anybody. It doesn't matter where you are or what you believe, everybody has struggles.
It used to frustrate me that people telling me I would come full circle or saying they still consider me Christian didn't "get me." Now it's okay. They don't have to "get me." They don't have to understand. They can see me however they want. It doesn't mean I have to conform to their truth. And it doesn't make my truth any different. It's all a matter of perspective - and we each have our own unique way of viewing things. It's not about who is right and who is wrong in their perspective...that's the wrong question... - it's about what works for each individual.
If you're questioning your faith, deconstructing, reconstructing, searching for/creating/reinventing your identity. You've got this. I've been there - I survived. Parts of me are still there - and I promise - it gets better - and you're going to be okay.
A crisis of belief and identity sometimes feels like the end. BUT IT IS NOT THE END. Life can be good again.
Email me if you need support. I am here for you ♥.