Word Power...Become, Unique, Grow, & Listen
One thing that the universe is trying to teach me over and over again is my words and my thoughts have power. SO MUCH FREAKIN POWER.
I don't make new years resolutions. I just don't. Part of the reason is I don't like to do what the majority of people are doing when it comes to random things, and that just happens to be one of them. I like to be my own person as much as possible, and not just go with the status quo for the sake of being a follower.
BUT last December, like some people, I decided to choose a word for 2019. It actually kinda just happened. I was looking through some sticker sheets I had from the days that I used to home-school, and I saw the word "become." "What a great word to invite into my life for 2019," was the thought that went through my head. I took the sticker and stuck it to my laptop where I would always see the reminder to myself.
"Become" described exactly what was in my heart. I had been struggling all fall (2018) with my faith deconstructing (although I didn't know that was the word for it at the time). My vision for 2019, was to become everything that I was supposed to be. EVEN if it was hard.
I wanted to have power to embrace whatever it was I was supposed to embrace, I wanted to hear God's opinion (or what I thought was God at the time) on what I should become, even if it went against the status quo.
Throughout the month of December (2018), I also found three more words, and stuck them onto my laptop, representing more of my vision for the new year: unique, grow, & listen. I had no idea how much these words were speaking into my future. I just figured I was encouraging myself to be open to whatever may come my way.
But it was SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT. These words: become, unique, grow, & listen sum up my entire year of 2019 more than I ever imagined possible. Now, I'm usually one that's up for some intense adventure, but if I would have known my path before I claimed these words, I probably never would have taken it. I would have ran full speed in the opposite direction, because fear of the unknown "evils" would have consumed me (but now I know it's not about evil).
This path has definitely been one of the hardest paths I've ever been down. But it has also been the most eye-opening and rewarding. And terrifying. And amazing. And anxiety-provoking. And peaceful. And misunderstood by others. And enlightening. And challenging. And inspiring. And the list contrasting the polarity of all the different emotions I've felt could go on, and on, and on.
What have I learned from these words this year? In no set order...
I have learned that there is so much peace, amazingness, & satisfaction in BECOMING who I am supposed to be, whatever that may be for the present moment in time. I have learned that my life is UNIQUE. My faith-walk or lack of faith-walk is UNIQUE and is not to be compared to anybody else's. How I live my life is up to ME, and there is absolutely nothing eternally damning about any path I choose. I have learned to allow myself to GROW outside the box of my previous belief system. It's true - I have blogged that I didn't have a choice, and I did NOT have a choice. But when I accept my path, and quit resisting where my life is taking me, I have more freedom to GROW into the UNIQUE person I am to BECOME. And to end the year...I am learning to LISTEN. I am learning to LISTEN to myself. To LISTEN to my body and what it's saying to me, and what it needs. To LISTEN to my gut. I am learning that I can trust myself to know what's best for myself. I am not evil. I am not deceived. I am good, and I am whole.
I am so different from last December. Last December I DESPERATELY needed to have all the answers for God, Christianity, and spirituality.
This December. I do not know what I believe. And I am okay with that (most days lol). I do not live in fear that there is a god who is going to judge me for my doubts and send me to hell.
I feel a connection to something. A source. Energy. Idk what it is. Some people even call that God. I don't have a name for it. But what I am connected to is definitely not the judgmental, harsh, yet claiming to be unconditionally loving...but will send you to hell on the condition that you don't love 'him' back... anthropomorphic God I had made up in my head.
But I know whatever I am connected to, even if it's just my higher self or a piece of God/energy/source in me...whatever that may be...brought the energy that caused me to fulfill the words I spoke over 2019: become, unique, grow, listen.
In 2020, I plan to THRIVE, continue to EVOLVE, & a few more words (in the works). ♥